Luckily, an update seemed to fix the problem - but you need an internet connection to update! Here's how, if anyone's stuck with this problem:
Open up a terminal (Applications -> Terminal)
We'll need to do all this as root, so enter:
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su
Then enter the following commands, replacing <yourIP> with a valid IP on your local network, and <routerIP> with your router's IP (I used 192.168.1.100 and 192.168.1.1 respectively, but your setup may be different):
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ipconfig eth0 <yourIP> up
route add default gw <routerIP>
apt-get update
apt-get upgrade